Sometimes now more than any I have to try and go with the flow. It is really hard though when you feel you are in life or death situation and its all taking to much time. And so I have to take big deep breaths and try and just know that what ever happens is as it should be. Its tough though.
So in hospital the X-rays taken seem to show that my lung has only a small amount a fluid and then the ultrasound I had the next day I was told the right lung looked full. I should have had a ct guided ultrasound or something on Friday but this never happened and now I am at hospice who are amazing but none of us have any knowledge if this is going to be chased or followed up.. I am usually very good at getting what I need done, but when I am sleeping and sick for 20 hours of each day it does not tie in with hospital hours.
So I lay here feeling very helpless as to what to do. I am not even able to talk to Hubby in the day because I am so sick so I can even tell him what needs to be [...]
Its been a slightly better day today mostly because I did not feel sick for most of it which was a welcome change. Although today my sternum ached very badly and was very short of breath which could well mean that my lungs are filling up again. I cant bare to think that they are filling up this quickly because I have not got the strength to go through another drain right now. I just couldn't do it not now. My hubby loked at me very distressed whien I said that I was not prepared to go through another drain. I suppose its not what he wants to hear. No one including me wants to hear that. So for now I shall push it far away in my mind and just beleive with all my might that this is not the case at all.
Its strange dealing with all these emotions, trying to live as normal life as possible when your body wants to sleep for 21 hours out of 24. Obvously I know that when bodies are shutting down They sleep lots and have no appetite etc etc and I have all of these things going on with me.
Hello again. Ohhhhhhhh being home means I tend to pay less attention to the computer and the urge to write blogs is less just because I am surrounded by things to do and the bustle of family. I LOVE BEING HOME!!! I keep counting my blessings that I am home and not a minute goes by that I am not grateful. Thank you Universe!!!
I have been ok - very up and down. I a so tired and sleeping so much. There is nothing I can do but give in to it as it just overwhelms me. So I have to just lie down and sleep. It is so good though to be in my own bed and be able to hear the noise of my family going on. Can you tell I am so happy to be home!
I was so scared I would never see my home again, that I would never hear the bustle and the noise, never sit with the fire roaring next to my husband all cosy, never feel the warmth and love of my family in my own surroundings. I really thought I would never get home - I am so so so happy to now be able to say I accomplished that!! And that is my [...]
I am so so so so so so pleased to be home. There really is no place like home and I can't explain in words how much my body and soul feels relaxed and grateful and all those ace things just for being able to sit on my own chairs and sleep in my own bed with my hubby. Thank you universe for making that possible.
Since being home I have mostly slept and slept and slept, mornings are crap. When I awake I generally feel very sick. I force myself to eat some breakfast as I have no appetite for food but I know I need to line my poor stomach with something before I throw lots of pills down my throat. If I don't force some food down I generally feel more sick so it is worth it. I go back to bed just feeling crap, Andy has to take the kids to school and sometimes he is scared to leave me because he is worried I might not cope on my own. He takes the kids to school and rushes back ( I hate that he feels split in two) to check on me.
Generally I am still sleeping and continue to sleep and [...]