Hi, thought I'd pop some thoughts down.
First of all sorry to the lovely person who commented on my last blog and I accidentally deleted it. Excuse my stupidity. :)
So the kids have gone back to school and I have the biggest show of my life to pull together. Kath has left me with an incredible bunch of shiny people who are going to make this one of the proudest and possibly hardest nights of my life. I think I'll be too busy to dwell on the songs and what they mean to me....to us all. But it will be my way of saying goodbye.
I'm risking some money on it but I figure that most people would spend this for a tribute to someone special. I hate to spend money that was given kindly to us on something so frivolous but I need to carry on the things Kath created. I'm actually under orders. She always ranted on that I must keep a blog going cos people liked it. I must make shows and look after the kids above all else.
So I'm going to do it in style. An orchestra, a huge band, my little daughter [...]
Sorry it's been ages. I'm keeping busy and this takes the right headspace to write.
Had to re-read my last blog to even know where I was up to. Goodness me. Things have moved on in a great way.
We took our little van to see the grandparents and Auntie Becky and the kids in Wales. And I rediscovered myself as me. Thanks to our lovely family the kids did a load of sleepovers and it meant I could disappear and be alone. (with the dog....thanks for our dog lovely girl XX)
So what to do. My lovely friend Hayley had bought me some T shirts and stuff for a kayaking expedition. We were attempting to get round the Isle of Man in three to four days unaided, with one experienced and two very intermediate paddlers (me and Jed) with a couple of cracking instructors from the venture centre. Long story short we had to abandon as it was a bit rough and these tides are not to be messed with. That was my first "me" time I've had in a long while and it was precious.
So back to the T shirt... It is basically [...]
Sorry, it's been a while.
Where to start and where to go with this...hmmm.
Well I was planning a trip away with the kids when it became inevitable that we would be on our own quite soon. But what to do? We could have a week or two in Greece on the beach but coming home to a cold and empty house is bad enough at the best of times. So the idea formed that I should get a camper van so that we could always just shoot off when we feel like it. And that's what I did. I found a lovely silver VW that has enough seats for parties and enough room for me, the kids and the dog to go anywhere for a night or two. And thanks to the lovely people that sold it to us they let me take it away the day I test drove it. On his insurance and still in his name we went camping for the night. You only really get that sort of trust on our little island.
Going back to last year, there are a couple of teenagers who have shown a level of maturity and kindness that astounded me. The lads, now 12 and 14, are the kids [...]
So now it's time to slow down and start on the next thing and the next thing. I had to force my daughter to school at gunpoint this morning and she had a huge blowout last night. Exhaustion and knowing the cousins and grandparents were leaving to pick up their own lives in West Wales. Add to that the sheer stress, and last night became the moment I feared most.
When someone is ill for a time you have a chance to start to deal with the loss. But I knew watching my kids struggle would be the hard part. And so it happened with my daughter last night. She screamed and she bawled and thanks to Hayley, our little angel, we managed to take turns just sitting with her.
It started because she refused to go back to school, but half an hour in to her screaming session I think she had a realisation.
"I want Mum!" The words hit you like a brick and there's nothing you can do. I realised why this happened as well. It's because I could not be negotiated with so she would usually get her mum to "reason" [...]